Why on earth are you still here?
I just wish she was dead already. We all know nothing else will happen, what else could it be? I’m not sure if she herself would like to die. I don’t know how aware she is of the condition she is in. Any vital function is assisted by machines whose mindless, mechanical purpose is to keep the sanctity of a human’s life inviolate even if that human being is incapable of eating and excreting what they eat. Even if that human being is incapable of realising what they have become. Sometimes I look at her and think: now you can die, do it. You can leave now, you must want it.
It is fascinating that one dying person absorbs so much vitality from the living ones around her. In the name of what? Long agony, eased with fentanyl? Did you know that for one terminally ill person to die, three other people alive have to take psychotropics to do it? I didn’t. I don’t even feel guilty for being angry with her for not passing away, because we will never talk again, she won’t know about it, and she won’t regret it anymore. At this point, there are no regrets.
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